A couple of weeks ago, Lilly nominated me to post for the #ILiveItIBlogIt series where the subject of your blog post is a personal story that means something to you, or shaped you in some way. I spent quite a while racking my brain for something to tell you, thinking nothing has really happened to me that has shaped me, and then something came to me and it’s more of a chain of events really.
So here is my personal post – with Beth Roach Photography, I always try to give a personal experience so you can get to know the woman behind the lens (Wow bit cringey) but this is something I’ve never really written about.
When I left college I was a determined/stubborn girl who was going to follow her dream no matter what. I decided against the idea of uni, which many of my friends and peers had prepared for, sure that if I was to do any degree it would be photography and to me, it was a waste of money and time when I could go out into the real world and develop my skills on my own.
Soon after the summer was over and people went away, I fell into my “dream” job. A studio where I was actually getting paid to do what I always wanted. I met lovely people, used a camera every day and began to grow as an adult – everything I ever wanted.
As time went by, the job began to be a chore, I wasn’t getting paid on time/in full, I was getting stale in my work and it just started to feel like a sales pitch each day. For someone so young it became a massive burden on me and I just believed that I had to do it because it was my dream.
A year of these feelings took a hold on me, I hated getting up for work, people would think I was taking things for granted – how “easy” it was to get into this industry. For a while I believed them, thinking I was ungrateful and this was just the “real world”.
On a day off, I had gone to the beach with a friend and was due to see an old work friend that evening. I got talking with my friend’s parents about how much I didn’t want to go to work the next day, how my love for photography had gone and how I had failed at my dream. I was a wreck, I had never shown myself so vulnerable to almost strangers before and it was like I’d finally admitted something I’d hidden from myself and others for so long.
Over the next few days, I went back to work, nothing got better and I quit and went back to the job I had at college. Feeling like a complete failure. I was completely taken advantage of for my age, talent and enthusiasm and I was never going to touch my camera again.
It took me a year to fall back into photography, friends and family would nag me and say it’s such a waste that I don’t do it anymore and I always promised I would one day just give me time. And here I am.
As I look back on it now all I can think of is that you are not prepared for this at school or college, you are prepared to get grades and go to uni, but what do you do when you completely lose your way.
Don’t let anyone take your passion, dreams, confidence or enthusiasm away.